Hope you are doing well and had a great Easter break! I am doing well and trying to follow a strategy of keeping well. I call it a strategy because it involves planning, prioritising and eliminating things and thoughts. It felt so good when I read the emails and feedback on my last post. I am very thankful that some of you wrote to me and poured your hearts out. It needs a lot of courage to do that. A big high five for doing that because it needs audacity of your mind to think clearly, to know what’s bothering you and to make a plan in sorting out your problems. I am no one to give you any form of advice but I just write to clear out my mind and if it helps anyone on the way, it’s a bonus. As I said, in order to raise your kids properly, you need a peaceful mind and loving heart. You need to reinforce within you that you are loved and you are at peace. So for the past few weeks, I have been trying to keep the focus on the things that are important to me and ignore the things that are not important. The big ego tried to step up a couple of times to stop me from my routine and I almost fell victim of it. But somehow managed and came out successful.
So I was talking about my last post, where I was upset about something and was trying to find a solution for my problem (https://www.mumways.com/happy-mum-not-always/) One of the readers whom I don’t know personally wrote to me about something that was bothering her. It was a clever piece of writing because it spoke bundles without revealing much. Mrs X is an Indian living in UK. She is a stay at home mum of three. She used to work in the creative field but due to childcare issues, she has decided to take a break and look after the kids and the house. She said, ‘it is all going fine but sometimes when see I my working friends; I have a feeling of inadequacy’. ‘These feelings are not there all the time but today when I read your post, I felt the need of writing to you and sharing my thoughts’. Dear Mrs X, I could not be happier. A) Because I don’t know you personally and you thought of sharing your thoughts with my readers and me. B) Because it reached you and it stroke a note with you. Thank you!
As I said I am not an expert in giving advice but I certainly know that nobody needs advice, sharing itself is enough. I am going to write down my feelings on the topic and as they say ‘hope for the best’! First of all, the ‘feeling of inadequacy’ is a thought and thoughts keep on changing and so as the way you feel. Take it from me, when I say it, I speak for most of the mums that either way, you feel lousy. When you are working, you feel that you don’t spend enough time with your kids and when you are not working, you feel the need to go out and work because there are others doing the same and surviving and seem to be having a great time. Isn’t it? When you see other working mums, you want to be in their position. Running, sorting out childcare, making dinners, sitting down for their homework, if you have a toddler you have a world of others things to adhere to. And then on top of it, you have another job where you go out to work. It’s a great thing if you are able to manage both. But if due to some reasons you have to take a break, then it’s perfectly normal. Some of the mums don’t have that option. You are lucky that at least you have that option. Remember that you are working anyways, it’s not easy even being a mum of one and you are raising three kids. We all tend to live in the future, always planning, always analysing and it’s exhausting to do that. Live in the moment and take it as a time to create memories, bonding with your children and a time for a lot of new ideas. Who knows but the friend that you are envying, may be secretly wishing to be in your position!
You used to work in a creative field where people with similar interest surrounded you. You used to have adult interactions and discussions with them. I am totally with you and understand where you are coming from. You are enjoying being a mum and sometimes these feelings hit you like waves and ruffle your beautiful existence. I have been there and know a lot of mums who have been there. It’s not a ‘selfish’ feeling at all. It’s quite a normal feeling to have a sense of independence of going out and doing something on your own. In your break, try to take some time out and get creative. I don’t know exactly what your field is but blend your expertise in creating something. Do the things that you always wanted to do. Take small steps everyday and you will be amazed by what you create in a week! Thank you once again for writing to me. I hope that my readers would associate with you and get inspired to take the first step!