You have been conned, my dear!
We are both essential and irrelevant. However, we spend most of our lives chasing to fix the latter, pretending that vulnerability and neediness have no place in our lives. Even when we work hard and reach the place where we want to be, we feel that surely there is more. And then, we will feel good enough for absolutely sure. We want to ensure that we are ahead of the game, at least a few steps ahead of darkness. I want to call these thoughts ‘cons’. Yes, just like those Ponzi schemes! So what are these cons? These are the beliefs that we’ve internalized over the years. Because they have been part of us for such a long time, they project themselves as the ‘truth’.
These cons are not letting us be joyful in the present and directing us to defer happiness – not now, wait a little longer; there is more, and be happy next time. There is something delicious in feeling good in the now; however, these cons rob us of experiencing it.
Here are the top 3 cons
- I am not allowed to fail – The reason you are pursuing the things that you are only good at. You don’t give permission to yourself to pursue the things you love to do. You are afraid of how others will react as you seek external validation. If you change the course of your career, you are afraid that your family or friends might consider you a failure. The message is clear – Do not fail. If you fail, hide it well or validate it with an excuse. We let ourselves deprive ourselves of the beauty of the uninhabited free spirit, joy of flow, unexpected opportunities and romances.
- Control everything – I must be in control of everything all the time. We don’t want to surrender to a higher power and want to be certain all the time. Twist or turn, discoveries, and playfulness are only romantic-sounding words. They have no role in your life.
- I must earn my worth – Have you suffered the most en route to your victory? If yes, you have earned it! If not, then you are worthless. Suffering is a must in the con! You have to hustle for your worth constantly. You don’t trust ease and flow and feel good only when you shuffle to the next. The con is you feel worthy when there are achievements with a dollop of suffering!
There are many more cons, such as fixating only on your flaws and weaknesses; you are not pushing yourself sufficiently, stay in perpetual busyness to avoid irrelevance. Why am I pointing out the cons? This was just a humble attempt to provoke your thoughts. I am not sure if we will really free ourselves from the captivity of these cons, as they have lived with us for as long as we remember. However, when you find yourself getting conned, you can at least be equipped to identify them and not get drawn to them as often as you used to get. There is power in being ok about failing and not associating failure with being a failure! It’s like your soul coming out of you and watching you getting drawn to these cons and nodding, “You’ve been there before. Stop it!”
If you think this post has given you something meaningful, please let me know and pass it on to someone who you think needs to hear it.
Much love
Suranjita
