Who is getting in your way?
There are times in our lives when we witness a glimpse of what we are capable of achieving, a glimmer of what we are meant to become. Maybe it’s a dose of inspiration to kick start a business that we’ve always been dreaming of or maybe to work on our fitness or to eat better (healthily). These desires keep pulling our heartstrings and keep us alive. However, just as we are about to pursue them, some things always seem to get in our way. It pulls you down and makes you question and then analyse your question. Then when you start to answer your question, it gives you justifications and excuses and tells you ‘why bother? It’s never going to work anyways.’ Maybe you are getting on your way? Psychologists call it ‘Self-Sabotage’.
Lets’s explore what’s getting in your way – self-sabotage
What is sabotage? It means intentionally destroying, hindering, or hurting someone or something. The prefix ‘Self’ we have, that’s right, we have someone intentionally harming themselves or their own efforts at something. But who would do that to themselves? You and I! I have certainly done that! All the excuses not to start something is our defence mechanism. Let me give you an example. I want to work on my fitness but I have a hundred and one reasons for not doing it. I have my unconscious mind working for me. It reminds me of the injuries I have or could have. It tells me how tired I am and that it’s only going to last for a week so why bother?
Conscious Vs Unconscious
Our conscious part wants us to grow, thrive and learn while the unconscious part wants us to survive, and feel safe and comfortable. It seems to work for you to avoid rejection. It’s really primal and protective in nature. It has all the elements of overthinking, doubting, weighing the opinion of others, excessive criticism of yourself and every blame and excuse in the universe. For example, if your conscious mind encourages you to make your hobby into a business Vs unconscious mind narrates to you -‘What will other people say? It’s never going to work, why bother?’. How do we rewrite the narrative?
What can we do about it?
We need to understand that it’s our defence mechanism and why we do it. Coming back to my example of working on my fitness. My unconscious mind gets activated primarily because of fear and the enormity of the project. How long is it going to take me? It’s amazing how much detailing the unconscious mind is capable of working on. We often self-sabotage unconsciously. So the first step is to overcome it. Easier said than done. Isn’t it?
How to change the narrative?
To be aware of it when we are doing it? How do we distinguish between the conscious and the unconscious mind or the saboteur? The incredible and the most obvious thing is that we already know. The answer is in our emotions. By paying attention to our emotions. The conscious mind or the aspiring mind will always bring feelings of curiosity, creativity, excitement and joy. However, the unconscious mind will bring feelings of anxiety, regret, shame, blame, anger and disappointment. So, the first step to stop self-sabotaging is to become aware when you experience those emotions. The second would be the action to challenge that saboteur.
What can you do to stop self-sabotage?
Take a fear belief that you have, identify the emotions you experience with those beliefs and take action to challenge it. For example, if your fear belief is not being able to eat healthily. The saboteur or external factors could be a lack of time. The unconscious mind may bring you feelings of helplessness, blame, and disappointment. However, now that you are aware that your self-sabotage button is activated, you are better prepared to take these emotions head-on. You can decide to consciously be kind to yourself.
While I was writing this post, a part of my unconscious mind was in its natural form. It was constantly telling me that ‘it’s not good, don’t publish it and nobody is going to read it’. But because I know what’s going on, I will stop critiquing myself and publish it.
Please could you write about your saboteurs? Trust me it helps everyone to know ‘you are not alone’.
Much love
Suranjita
