Mums who stay at home
It’s not 9 to 5 for you
Unwind and find something
That is meant just for you
This one is for all the mums who have taken the decision to stay at home.
I have been both a working and stay at home mum. I personally don’t like the term ‘working mum’ to use exclusively for the mums who are at office. Because I think mums are always at work be it at home or office. But for the sake of differentiating, I am going to use the term ‘working mum’ for office goers. I have a deep respect for all the working mums who juggle and multitask in order to sustain their ‘being me’ part as well as running a household. However, this particular post is for all the mums who have taken a decision to stay at home and raise a family. I can understand the deep impact it has on you and the adjustments that you have had to make from being a professional in most of your adult life to staying at home day in and day out.
I have felt the guilt of keeping my kid at the nursery and also felt the pressure of staying at home. I call it pressure, because it is a big decision and your decision will bring a big gap in your carefully crafted CV over the years. When I was working, my mind used to switch off in the evenings. Whereas, when I stay with my kids day in and day out, my mind does not sleep until the kids go to sleep. Especially if you have a toddler, your mind is always on an alert mode. The mind is constantly thinking; some serious and some unnecessary thoughts. The hundreds of unfinished chores keep taking the place of the completed ones. You keep saying to yourself that after you finish this, you would definitely take a break. You pause for a moment, but you think may be a quick shower would be good or a quick thought about what to make for dinner would be even better. By the time, you finish doing all that, your toddler would be up and it would be time for their lunch. Or it would be time for the school run. Of course, you love what you do for your family and you provide that support that keeps everything in its place. Your kids, your home, your hard work, but please don’t forget that ‘you’ in ‘yours’. You are an individual first and it’s not selfish to do something for yourself.
I know so many wonderful mums, who are distinct professionals. Some of them are scientists, banking professionals, lawyers, artists, musicians, writers, doctors and teachers. At some point, they all have taken the decision of a career break to raise a family. I have spoken with a lot of working mums and it is a common consensus that after they come back from work, they are in a happy state of mind to spend their time with the little ones. I can clearly understand the reason. As you are out working, you don’t have to constantly keep thinking of the ways to keep them engaged and entertained. You would have had adult conversations. Whereas, if you stay at home there is no way out. You seek for that time that is truly yours.
So to all the mums who have taken the decision to stay at home, please find a passion, a reason to channel the thinking mind where it finds something to relax. Just like a working mum, you need to switch off and call it pack off. You need to find that something that is meant for you.
You can engage your mind for a couple of hours to do something creative if you are that sort of a person. I know that childcare is an issue and cost of childcare is another one. If you have to think of the cost part, you can do something together with like-minded people. Some of you can get together at someone’s place and learn a craft. Book a teacher to come over, share the costs and childcare is sorted as you take turns to learn. Once you learn it, you will find that time to do it and get that much needed space for yourself. If you can afford to have a babysitter, go out and do something that you had always wanted to do and because of your work couldn’t do it before. This will give you a sense of satisfaction and joy. Keep honing your skills and craft along with raising your kids. Time keeps on moving and your kids keep on growing. You will have a lot of time once your kids are grown up however time to get back to doing what you were doing before takes a long time as well.
I am so proud of some of my friends who are getting back to work after giving years of time to the family. A very dear friend of mine is a scientist and she has devoted several years of her life to raise her family. It’s certainly not an easy decision as in scientific fields, new things happen almost everyday. I am very pleased that my friend has found her ‘you’ in ‘yours’ and she has found a route for her thinking mind to relax. I am not saying that getting back to work is the solution to a happy mind. What I am trying to say is to find that aspect within yourself that helps you keep you in a happy state of mind and gives you a sense of peace and pride.
My lovely friends, take pride in what you are doing and find a place for yourself.