Starting all over again
New beginnings? Where do I begin? Feels like starting all over again. I didn’t write for months now. I must have lost it. The truth is, if you stop, it eventually stops. You doubt yourself and words suddenly make no sense. Ideas, they all seem obsolete. Posts, they all seem being talked about. I couldn’t contribute anything new. Total chaos in the mind and body. I have tried writing but it didn’t help me. It didn’t inspire me. I didn’t have the confidence to post at all. I have struggled for the past few months and it’s the sheer embarrassment to admit. Days after days have gone by with deliberate excuses of not writing. The weather in my mind was cloudy with days of rain and some more rain. The beatific smile that used to come with the flow of endearing and soulful words had wiped away with the heavy pouring of the emotions. It’s not easy when you feel lost or you have so many things on your platter that you ignore the items that brings out the best in you. Has it ever happened to you? No matter what you do, where you are, there will be a time when it’s not easy on you. I knew it that if I give myself enough time, I can evolve out of it.
Not all the days are same, so you just have to stay calm. I have been there and done that. Although the ‘done that’ part has always been different. How I pull myself up is different each time.
Where and how do I begin?
When you know it all
then why do you stand still?
When you know the way out
there is always a room for doubt
Sometimes, you can’t talk how you feel
And that’s ok as well
I was lost, where have I been?
until I asked
Where and how do I begin?
While I was sitting in my home in Jorhat, India and peaked through the window, suddenly a little ‘me’ stopped by. The image was quite clear: Bare feet, sleeveless white dress, messy hair, muddy hands and not a care of the world. I was hopping carefree just outside my home. I knew it then ‘where and I how do I begin?’ – Take it easy on yourself and learn to ignore.
Much love
Suranjita
