Mind argues – it doesn’t feel real, coronavirus has made a big mess
These days my mind is the epicentre of news and everything else that has come as a by-product of the coronavirus. I have opened up a dedicated investigative journalism channel in my mind. It doesn’t feel real. Days are usually good. But when evening approaches and slides towards night, dark thoughts come to play games with you. I think they sneak in with the darkness of the night. Just like the virus that sneaked into our lives and made a complete mess of us humans. It has brought us to our knees and we pray. We are not that strong after all! I question myself and sometimes even shake my head – ‘Is this real?’
The apps
It feels like scenes straight out of a Hollywood movie. But then the mind takes over and argues with you. In this day and age with all the advancement in medicine and science, of course it will be fine soon. Then I look over my shoulder and see the data and the lockdowns around Europe and the rest of the world. I don’t feel right. There is no reprise. You can’t control anything but your movements by staying indoor physically. But the mind wanders. It is behaving just like my phone where I keep all my apps open.
And mind wanders off
Sometimes, it wanders off to my parents, family and friends back home and the next moment it goes out to my husband who is a healthcare professional. Then the tab for the wellbeing of my children opens up. Next to that is the tab for breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks in between. Even if I try to close all the tabs, something else comes up as a reminder such as Cleaning, disinfecting everything that comes from outside. Then I decide to switch off. And I see new YouTube channels of people making the most of the quarantine period. I feel guilty of consuming random things on Netflix or Amazon prime.
A period of uncertainty
I breathe in and out just to check. Message my friends. Check on people if they are ok. Talk to the people I care about. Spend a little bit of time watering my plants. But I spend most of the time with the hope that it gets over soon and everything is back to normal. It has come to a point where even when I watch a film and see people carelessly walking holding hands, I feel like shouting out to them, ‘Don’t hold hands you silly and get back home’. Nothing makes sense. People are dying. The curve that they keep talking about is not flattening. There are more cases everyday. How do I go about? Where do I see hope?
Being thankful
I can try listing them out and see if it helps:
1. To have a roof over my head.
2. To have a family.
3. To the hospitals and doctors.
4. Time when the family is together in the room.
5. When I get some time to myself.
6. Food.
7. Water.
8. The sunshine.
9. The internet.
10. Reading a story of hope.
You are alive! Checked!
Here’s to light and hope. You and I. Along with our families, miles apart – we are in this together. Stay home, save people and stay safe. Do your bit.
This shall pass too!
Much love
Suranjita
