How are you? Hope you are doing well! I am fine and trying to keep on top of the ‘list’. You know what I am talking about. Don’t you? When you are away working and you try your best to balance both kids and work, there are a few little cute things that would make you quit your work every single day. With my previous job, it was a frequent phrase, ‘Ok, that’s it, I am quitting my job’. Has it happened to you as well? I read a message on Facebook from one of my friends along the same lines and I could immediately relate to her. I could feel what she was going through in the balancing act. These little things sometimes make it really hard. I am going to write a few notes. Let me know, if that’s what you feel. Mummy o Mummy 😉
My little boy says these a lot. I love dropping him off. I love to chat with him on the way to school. I love to see his smile when I surprise him by turning up to pick him up. But it’s not possible everyday. When he started school, it was really bad. As I said I felt like giving up everyday. Now, it’s a lot better because I have placed some surviving mechanisms and it works for us. Well, it works most of the time but somedays a little tricky. Because sometimes, it would be followed by this…
You thought it’s easy. This used to be the killer. I used to feel so guilty. I wanted to be with him, drop him off, pick him up but it was not practically possible. He would give me solutions such as can you tell your work people that ‘you would be working from the computer’. I wish I could work from the computer just like Peppa pig’s mummy! As he is growing older, I can apply logic and reasoning with him and settle for a middle way. It’s nice for them to come to terms with it and develop the aspects of understanding, flexibility and communication. Phone can be an excellent tool for the instructions and some loving words. Goes a long way!
However, now a days it’s my toddler with this…
So what do you do? How can you live in the moment with the deadly combination of killer questions and tears. Sometimes, you feel it a bit more. I can tell from experience that it works out fine if you want to work it out. I know that with my toddler, negotiation or logic would not work but it does work with my little boy. I have seen it myself. Once my daughter was sobbing when I was leaving for work. I was almost in the tube station and my guilt stopped me. So I went back home. I opened the door and I was surprised to see her happily playing with her toys. The babysitter forced me to go back to work. What was that all about? I thought ‘it does ring a bell’. As my elder one used to do the same in the nursery. I wrote a post a while ago, I read it again. http://www.mumways.com/back-to-work/. It’s the same principles. They are partners in crime! We used to do the same to our mothers:-). And we can definitely cope with it. Here’s what you can do.
1) Mummy I miss you, Mummy can you drop me today!
The fact is that the moment they go behind the doors of the school, just like us, they have a world of their own. They have their friends, their little agendas to discuss, their world of football swap cards, the latest Ninja turtle episode, their own independent world. The moment they enter that world, they get busy with it. Of course they miss you, but they would not spend their entire time thinking about ‘how much they miss you’. It’s when they see you again, the emotions come back and they try to link it back to what they said before. Hence, ‘mummy can you drop me and pick me up?’ ‘Please?’ ‘Please mummy, I miss you’. So while you are at work, concentrate there, live in the ‘now’ and then you will have all the energy to play with them when you get back. You are happy to see them and spend quality time with them. You are not exhausted by worrying if your child is missing you too badly. May be you can have an arrangement with your workplace, where you can either do drop offs or pick ups. You can pick days and let your kid know about the schedule.
2) Everyone’s mummy comes to pick up
Pepsico CEO Indra Nooyi said that she used to die of guilt when her daughter used to list off all the mums that used to make it to school events. So she developed a copying mechanism and called her daughter’s school and got the list of all the mums that could not make it. So when her daughter would say, ‘You were not there, you were not there’. She could respond it by saying,’So and so wasn’t there as well. So I’m not the only bad mother’. It’s all about the copying mechanisms that you build around you for a smooth sail or should I say just sail? Sailing itself is a big step!
You can read the full interview here http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/07/why-pepsico-ceo-indra-k-nooyi-cant-have-it-all/373750/
3) Tears just for you
Your heart cannot reason when you see those big drops of tears. That’s when the mind comes handy. Because mind knows that those tears are temporary. They go away with distractions such as Peppa Pig or Team Umizoomi. Trust me, the moment you step out, the tears dry up. They are all for you. As they say, there is no show without an audience, similarly there are no tears, without your presence. Next time if you face any of these, just take it easy and let it pass by. It all adds up. They do appreciate it and value the time spent together. If you know how it works, you too are at ease to deal with the situation and together work out a system. I hope you relish the joys of being a woman, treasure the joys of being a mother.